EUNUCH – STRUGGLE FOR RECOGNITION

Hello all,

Recently, I have watched T.V drama on “ARY digital” with the title “Khuda Mera Bhi hai” meaning “God is mine too”. The subject was acceptance of eunuch as a child and a citizen. Most of the civilized countries have no issues in this regard, people with this gender are living a satisfied life there but in Asia, this gender is not treated as they deserve. We have a discriminatory attitude towards them. There was an era when they have respectful status in the palaces of Mughal emperors.

In our society, a lot of people want to hear this sentence at the time of delivery “congratulations, it is a baby boy”, there are few who are satisfied with a baby girl but situation worsens when it is the third gender. Most of the parents refuse to accept such a child right after the birth. They think that it is shameful to accept them and society will make fun of this incident.  People assume such parents as unhealthy in a way that they are unable to give birth to a boy or a girl.

This is a tradition since centuries in South Asia; many illiterate people blame mothers for the birth of a girl or a eunuch. They also praise the mother for a baby boy. People have no concern with science and research; they have their sayings, stereotypes, and customs to follow. It is not only with those who are living in remote areas but many so-called civilized and highly educated minds do not want to accept this reality. These children are mostly given to a “Guru” (an old transgender taking care of such gender). The problem starts from this stage; they are being spoiled and thrown away as a waste for their whole life.

Gurus have a tradition to train such children for dance and singing. This training has no concern with perfection it is just for the sake of fun. When these children grow up, they dance and sing in streets and on several occasions. Once, it was a tradition to call them at weddings and birthdays. Many people think that their prayers and blessings are pure and will be accepted soon, so they called them at time of birth of a baby boy.  This tradition is rare these days and eunuchs have mostly become beggars. You can observe many of them with makeup and with ladies’ outfits at almost every traffic signal. They have a different style of begging, normally they keep blessing you until you gave them some money but it should be a big currency, they are not contented with coins. Many times, I witnessed that they throw the charity back if they are not happy with the amount. There are many who still dance and earn their living but a lot of them are involved in crimes and unethical activities. It is obvious, such ignored and discarded people can easily be trapped and used by criminals. Hence, they are now involved in so many other illegal activities.

Problem is the recognition of such children in our society, parents who dare to accept such children are often humiliated by others. They would make fun of them for being supportive of the eunuchs. These children are being treated as aliens, humiliated in our society. No parents like them to play with their children or be their friends. Though’ there is an appropriate word to call them i.e. “ Khwaja Sara” which was basically a title for them back in the Mughal dynasty. But, they are being called with different abusive names like “Khusra”, “Na-Mard”, “Heejra”, “Chakka” and many more. Their school and college fellows make fun of them without any reason and they are not supposed to react against such behavior and are demanded to bear the bullying silently.

Although we observe some change in our society that people are educating their minds in this regard but still there is a lot to do. It is such a pity this gender was never considered officially until recently when they were finally acknowledged as lawful citizens and can now apply for National Identity card.Eunuchs are now aware of their rights and protested several times for their demands.

The T.V Show that I mentioned above took a brave and bold step towards a selfless society and awareness. They motivated people to come forward and accept all the realities attached to this creation of God. They are not being thrown away from anywhere; they are as real as we are. Acceptance will make them beneficial for them and for society as well. They have a mind and feel like others; they can be a creative one, worker, sales rep., businessman, teacher, researcher, even manager and much more. All we need is a change in our perspectives. Once again, well-done team ARY Digital.

 

Best regards.

UNNECESSARY EXPENSE OVER MARRIAGES

Hello all,

Marriage is a social contract to bring two people altogether. It is a beautiful feeling and experience to enjoy the company of a new one in a romantic and loving environment. In Pakistan and India, mostly mediocre used to raise this topic and make fun by telling jokes on this topic or by making plans with their children since the childhood. For most girls in remote areas, the most favorite activity is to make arrangements for their doll’s marriage. The reason for this all is just to make them more curious about this relationship. That is why; this day becomes very memorable and full of excitement for all. Brides and grooms wish to make this day so special that it would remain in their memories as a mark of joy.

In our society, the tradition of “Salami” by relatives is very popular. It is a contribution to the parents of bride and grooms to make arrangements for marriage. This “Salami” is according to the bonding of relationship; the closer you are; the more contribution you have to do. It could be in the form of money, dress, gift or household item for the brides and money or gift for the groom. On the other hand, it was refunded with some extra when the other’s marriages took place. Extra was once called “Nee-on-dra”, it was to strengthen the relationship; If you do not want to go further with anybody, then payback only what you received. It was a silent and expressive way of cut off.  It sounds weird but it was very good until it was performed in a simple way. But now, likewise other tradition, this has also changed a lot.

Marriages have now become a good way to show off and to depict one’s power of social contacts and economic strength. People have no more concern with small “Salami”, they just want to invite their big contracts so that they could influence others. Huge parties are being thrown for publicity. A lot of money is destroyed extravagantly at food, clothes, decoration, music, lights, fireworks, photography, recording and transportation. People book good venues for marriage, arranging marriage halls and gardens. But this is not enough, this marquee, hall or garden should be a renowned one or famous in elites so that every participant can be impressed. Therefore, they hire professionals for new ideas and approaches.

This trend is spreading all over the world; event management is a growing profession among youngsters. They know that people are keen to spend on such social occasions. Once, it was an event of two to three days but now turned into months. Prior and after functions have been generated for enjoyment such as Bridal Shower, Bachelor Party, Dholki (This one is longest in days), Mayon, Ubtan, Mehndi, Wedding, Walima and so many receptions. Event managers are giving different themes to each function. From the dress to an environment, everything has to be planned earlier.

In India, a bride is supposed to be a girl covered with gold jewelry and her parent are being believed as Alladin’s Genie who will fulfill each and every demand of groom’s family. From start to the end, bride’s families have to suffer a lot and bear most of the expenses, even for the other side. The bride is also not farewell alone but with a huge dowry in shape of dresses, furniture, car/bike, utensils and other household items. Moreover, taking in a bride along with a demanded amount has also become a tradition. It is said that it is a gift from girl’s parents while everybody knows it well that it is a forceful act. Gift of new houses or furnished ones is also in demand while after marriage demands are separate to be mentioned.

No doubt, it brings so many colors to this occasion but only to those who have many resources. People living in middle standard always imitate elites or upper class. For this, they cross every limit whether it is to borrow money from anyone or to pledge their properties for loans. In a mediocre family, there are a few to earn and many to eat, so they hardly manage to coup up with all responsibilities. Many people try to use unfair means to get extra money for their needs that bring negativity in a society.

According to me, people having good resources and at upper level should take incentives and come forward to be role models for other to simplify this event. There is obviously no need to feed so many people. It is totally a private function and its requirement is just an announcement that these are two people who decided to live together. For this matter, a small gathering of relatives is quite enough. It will be a blessing for those who are suffering from the fears of this forced extravagance in their life.

Need more good suggestion in this regard and hoping for a positive change……

 

Best regards.